From Lost to Leading: My Journey Back to Myself

How I went from having it all together on the outside to falling apart on the inside, and why that breakdown became my breakthrough into Self-leadership Coaching.

"Make sure you can always take care of yourself, physically and financially. Do not depend on anyone!"

My father's words shaped me from childhood, instilling a fierce independence that would both empower and exhaust me for decades to come. As a little girl, I felt invincible, capable of anything, destined for greatness. School came easily, achievements followed naturally, and I carried his dreams alongside my own, even when they pulled me away from what truly called to me.

Psychology fascinated me, but law seemed more "practical," more aligned with his vision of me as a successful, independent woman. So I compromised, as many of us do, choosing a path that looked right from the outside while quietly wondering what might have been.

The Perfect Life That Wasn't

After graduating, I landed my dream job at an international bank back home in Curaçao. The next ten years unfolded like a perfectly scripted success story: career advancement, marriage to my loving husband, building our home, welcoming two incredible sons, and juggling what felt like a dozen different roles and projects.

I was the mom who took that role seriously (sorry, honey, but you know it's true). I was the devoted wife to my equally ambitious husband. I was the manager who evolved into a leader at work. I was my brother's sounding board, the treasurer of the school parent committee, secretary of the dog rescue foundation, the friend who started businesses on the side, Dutch apple pies, green smoothie deliveries, even a restaurant review magazine called "Tasting Curaçao." (yess..I did that!)

From the outside, I was that woman, the one who seemed to have it all figured out, who could juggle everything with a smile (I even started a blog named M.O.M (Master Of Multi-tasking). I was everyone's go-to person, the strong one, the capable one.

But inside? Inside, I was slowly disappearing.

When Your Body Starts Speaking Louder Than Your Mind

I don't remember the exact moment I first felt lost, but I'll never forget when my body decided it had had enough. The hyperventilation episodes came out of nowhere, or so I thought. Quick, shallow breaths that left me gasping, my body literally unable to take in the oxygen it needed.

The diagnosis was as predictable as it was devastating: stress.

My body was doing what my mind couldn't, it was finally saying "no" to the impossible standards I'd set for myself. But even then, even with this clear signal that something was deeply wrong, I kept pushing. The stress manifested as weight gain, mood swings, emotional volatility. I became someone I didn't recognise, prickly, moody, exhausted.

And through it all, I kept smiling, kept socialising, kept telling myself: "Stop complaining. You have everything you ever wanted. You're being ungrateful."

The Isolation of Appearing Perfect

The cruelest part wasn't the stress or the physical symptoms, it was the loneliness. I was surrounded by people who loved me, yet I felt completely alone with my struggles. My husband, bless him, tried to understand why I was unhappy when our life looked so good on paper. My children felt the effects of my inner turmoil without understanding its source.

I was dumping all that negative energy into the world, onto the people I loved most, and they were naturally reflecting it back to me. A vicious cycle that made me feel even more lost, even more like a failure.

Who was I beneath all these roles? I honestly couldn't tell you. Wife, mother, leader, sister, volunteer, entrepreneur, I could define myself by what I did for others, but I had no idea who I was when I was just... me.

When Life Forces You to Stop

Sometimes it takes our body literally giving up for our mind to finally listen. For me, that moment came when I fainted in the middle of a graduation party, my husband by my side, a medic slapping my face to keep me conscious. But even that wasn't enough to wake me up completely.

I was pregnant with my second son, and during the second trimester, doctors told me the amniotic fluid was low and the baby's growth was slowing. For two weeks, I was careful. For two weeks, I listened to my body. But here's the thing about deeply ingrained patterns, they're incredibly hard to break.

I slipped right back into my old ways, juggling everyone's needs, convincing myself that people needed me to be everything to everyone and believing I could do it all. I forgot myself again, until my next check-up at 31 weeks.

"The fluid level is critical, and the baby has stopped growing."

Those words hit me like a knife to the heart. I wanted to scream and cry simultaneously, but nothing came out. I was in sheer panic and shock, confronting the truth I'd been avoiding: I was not Superwoman and my baby is great danger because of me.

The Hospital Bed That Changed Everything

Bed rest. Four weeks minimum. There I was, strapped to monitors, one on my belly, one on my chest, allowed only to use the bathroom and shower once a day. For a woman who defined herself by constant motion and productivity, this forced stillness was both terrifying and transformative.

I prayed during those four weeks more than I had in my entire 33 years of life. I cried, I talked to my unborn baby, begging his forgiveness for being stubborn and stupid, promising him I would never again fail to prioritise his health, or my own.

The delivery was traumatic, an inexperienced intern, too much Pitocin, my baby in distress while I watched his heart monitor, screaming for help until my doctor literally pulled him out with his hands. But my son survived. We both did.

And that's when my real journey began.

Coming Home to Myself

My journey started with something that sounds simple but felt impossible: building self-awareness. That's how lost I was, I had to relearn who I was beneath all the roles I'd been playing.

It was during this time that I (re)discovered yoga and meditation, practices that became essential companions on my path back to myself. Ironic, isn't it? The woman who couldn't breathe properly, who took short, panicked breaths, found her way back through the very act of conscious breathing. Through meditation and mindful movement, I began to deepen my self-awareness in ways I never thought possible.

Slowly, this growing awareness led me to discover my core values. And here's what I learned: your core values are yours alone. Not your mother's, not your father's, not your husband's or society's. They're your authentic, personal, non-negotiable foundation.

COVID became a blessing in disguise, a forced pause that allowed for deep reflection. I knew I needed change, not just internally but in my environment. I was hungry for inspiration, for a fresh start. So we moved, we shifted, we began again.

The Journey Continues

My journey isn't over, it won't be until I leave this earth. But oh, am I enjoying it now. I'm present in ways I never was before. I'm learning new things every day about the world, about people, about others, but mostly about myself.

I still have many roles, but there's no more juggling. There's prioritising. There's authenticity in everything I do, say, and am. I remind myself daily of a quote Jay Shetty introduced me to, attributed to sociologist Charles Horton Cooley: "I am not what I think I am, I am not what you think I am, I am what I think you think I am."

I no longer seek external validation for my identity. I am as I am, unapologetically authentic, yet with compassion for myself and others. I am my first love, and I will never lose myself again to what I think others expect of me.

When Your Childhood Dreams Resurface

By embracing change and daring to step out of my comfort zone, having faith and trusting myself, my skills, my capabilities, when life gave me a push or a sign, I took the leap.

My childhood wish of becoming a psychologist resurfaced, like a forgotten dream finally ready to be honoured. And as often happens when we align with our authentic path, the stars seemed to conspire in my favour. I was presented with the opportunity to be coached and taught the principles of coaching by someone I had been in awe of for quite some time: Jay Shetty.

That moment felt like coming full circle, the little girl who wanted to help people understand their thoughts and feelings was finally being called forward, not despite my painful journey, but because of it.

Today, I've evolved into a Self-Leadership & Empowerment Coach, serving and supporting women just like me, women who got lost amidst different roles and responsibilities, who feel unseen, who don't know where or how to break free from that negative cycle, that pattern that keeps spiralling down while they desperately reach for something to help them climb out.

The breath that once failed me in those hyperventilation episodes has become one of my most powerful coaching tools. Meditation and mindful breathing aren't just practices I teach, they're the foundation of how I help women reconnect with their inner wisdom and find their way back to themselves.

Why I Do This Work Now

Today, I see you, “Isabella”. I see the woman who looks like she has it all together while quietly questioning everything. I see the mother who loves fiercely but has forgotten how to love herself. I see the professional who's capable and accomplished but feels empty inside.

I know what it's like to be the strong one, the go-to person, the woman who carries everyone else's emotional load while her own needs go unnamed and unmet. I know the guilt that comes with wanting more when your life already looks "perfect" from the outside.

Most importantly, I know the way back home to yourself isn't about adding more to your already full plate, it's about remembering who you are beneath all the roles you play.

You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone

The woman I was, lost, overwhelmed, disconnected from her authentic self, she needed permission to want more. She needed space to breathe, to feel, to remember who she was before she became everything to everyone else.

Maybe you need that permission too. Maybe you're tired of maintaining the appearance that everything is fine when inside you're falling apart. Maybe you're ready to stop apologising for wanting a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.

You matter beyond the roles you fill. Your desires aren't selfish, they're the compass pointing you back to yourself.

Ready to come home to yourself?

If you're nodding along to this story, feeling seen and understood for perhaps the first time in a long time, I want you to know: you're not broken, and you're not alone. The path back to yourself doesn't have to be walked in isolation.

I'm here to hold space for your transformation, gently, authentically, at a pace that honours your complex, beautiful life. Because you deserve to feel as good on the inside as your life looks on the outside.

Let's talk about what coming home to yourself could look like for you. Drop me a note by filling the form below and we’ll have a complementary 30 minute call to discover together.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does